Old men and throwing up are my life now.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
