Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
