I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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