I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
