Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
