i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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