I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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