When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
