We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
They are going to name an STD after you.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
