I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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