It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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