i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Randomize
