Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
