I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
