I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
