My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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