No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
