Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
