why didn't you poke me back
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
