took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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