turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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