Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
where am i from again
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
