Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
