Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
