In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
