I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
