She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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