If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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