Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
