i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
