Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
