toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
