My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
