I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
