my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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