we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
