Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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