Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
