Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
