i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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