We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My vagina is very pro this idea
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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