I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
