I wish you could order shots online.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
