When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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