Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
