you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
