Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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