SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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