I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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