Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I will be naked everywhere
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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